


Harsh Realities

by MeowHead4



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Dark Past, Dark fic, Eventual Happy Ending, Evil Uther, Modern AU, long fic, magic is illegal, magic is known, tortured merlin, very dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-02-22 09:32:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2502998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeowHead4/pseuds/MeowHead4
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin lives in Camelot in order to avoid the anti-magic activists that lived in his past village, and who had captured him before. However, here he was closer to them than he had ever anticipated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A feeling of Panic

                “Merlin? Merlin, it’s okay. It’s going to pass soon. Bare through it, focus on your breathing!” Gaius was frantically calling out to the young man in an attempt to call him. “Merlin, focus on the sound of my voice. You’re in Camelot. You’re safe now.” The panic attack was suffocating Merlin’s breathing, taking all rationality away from his mind. All Gaius could do was sit there and try to console the child, hoping his words would prevent him from hurting himself or passing out. “Merlin, deep breaths. It will end soon.” The two sat on either side of Merlin’s bedroom door, breathing together as they often did in these situations. “That’s it. You’re fine. Do you want me to call your work and say you’re sick?”

                “N-no Gaius, it’s okay. I think I can do it.” He sounded hesitant, yet sure of himself.

                “Are you sure? I don’t want you to push yourself.”

                Merlin knew that Gaius had the best intentions at heart, but sometimes he worried too much. Merlin loves him, but how could he get better if he keeps running away from his problems? “Yea, I’m sure. If it gets bad again, Lance knows what to do.”

                “Alright,” the physician said wearily, “then go get cleaned up. I believe your shift starts in an hour.”

                “Thanks, Gaius.” Merlin headed straight for the bathroom.

                He looked in the mirror, his eyes bloodshot from al the crying. _Come on Merlin, you got this. Whatever you do, don’t break down at work. It was just a dream, a memory, you’re safe now. It’s not your fault._ He then washed his face and grabbed his uniform. “Alright, I’m off. Bye!”

                “Bye, Merlin. Be safe.”

                “Hi, welcome to The Castle, my name is Merlin and I will be your server today,” the boy recited the same speech he has given over a hundred times before. “Oh hey, Gwaine,” he said once he recognized that the man he was mindlessly talking to was, in fact, his best friend. “I’m guessing you’re hungry and want your usual?” The smile on his face became real, compared to that plastic he was originally wearing.

                “Ah, you know me well. Yes, my stomach led me here, but I want to talk to you! I haven’t seen you in so long!” He frowned.

                “Haha alright, well I get off in a hour. We can finally hang out then,” Merlin answered with a smile.

                “Okay, you know I’ll be here waiting.”

                Merlin gave the kitchen Gwaine’s order and proceeded to wait his other tables, of which there were only two due to the time of day.

                “Anything else for you, sir,” he asked the man hesitantly.

                “Um, yes, can I please have another glass of water?” That was what Merlin was afraid of. That customer had been sitting there for at least an hour, refusing to order anything besides plain water. Every few minutes, he would check his phone, as if waiting for someone.

                “Of course sir,” Merlin said with a smile painted on.

                He brought the water back to the strange blonde man and approached his last customer of the day, who had walked in almost immediately after Gwaine. He started his introduction. “Hello, welcome to the Castle, my name-“. He stopped mid-sentence as soon as he realized who he was talking to.

                “Will,” he whispered, the name of his ex-boyfriend ghosting his lips.

                The man looked up from his menu, his expression fazing from confusion to fury. “You. How dare you leave me like that?! How dare you abandon me to suffer when it was your fault that things went so wrong?!” His voice got progressively louder, the more he talked. “Do you know how much pain and harassment I had to go through once you left? You think you can just disappear and everything would be fine? Well it wasn’t. It was far from being okay!” By then, he was screaming, leaving the rest of the restaurant in a stunned silence.

                “I didn’t mean to.” Merlin attempted to say that confidently, but his voice ended up being barely over a whisper.

                “Didn’t mean to? Didn’t mean to! I was beaten up every day for a year, I had to be taken out of school, I couldn’t go back to my job, I became known as “the faggot that was with Merlin”. So it doesn’t matter whether or not you “meant it”. That doesn’t change all the shit I’ve had to go through because of you!”

                Tears were already flowing down Merlin’s cheeks. “I’m so sorry,” he croaked out.

                “I don’t give a damn if you’re sorry or not. It doesn’t change what has happened. And I’ll never forgive you. Being with you was the worst mistake I’ve made my entire life,” he spat bitterly, and Merlin was positive that the last comment was not an exaggeration.

                The tears were then uncontrollable. His breath turned into short hiccups and his thoughts seemed to be getting further away from him. He fled to the bathroom in order to hide the shame that came with the impending panic attack that was sure to happen.


	2. A Spark of a Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is hurt by Will, but his friends are there for him. And a stranger.

As soon as he got into the bathroom, he fell against the door, pulling his knees into his chest. His breathing got faster and memories of his past rushed back to him. _They’re only memories, Merlin_. _You’re in Camelot now. Safe._ He chanted in his head, _They’re only memories. They’re only memories. They only memories… but Will got hurt._

That last thought kept him over the edge.

                “Merlin,” he heard from behind the door. “Merlin, it’s me.” He tried to put that voice to a face, but his racing thoughts wouldn’t let him. “Merlin, please open the door.” _Come on Merlin, you know this. Who could it be?!_ “Merlin, please.” The voice sounded desperate. There were only three people in Camelot who would care that much about him: Gwaine, Gaius, and Lancelot. He trusted all of them, so he stood up slowly, his legs trembling and preventing him from moving much faster. He grabbed the lock, taking more effort than he should need to open it. As soon as the lock was turned, the door flew open, Lancelot raced in, and embraced the boy. “I’m here for you. You’re fine. I’m here.”

                “Lance. Lance I-I hurt him. He was hurt because of me.” His breaths started to become shallow once again.

                “Merlin. Merlin, listen to me,” the friend begged. “Merlin, look at my face.” The blubbering man met his friend’s eyes. “You did not mean to hurt Will when you left, right?” Merlin nodded slowly. “There was no way you could have predicted that happening, or prevented it. And there is nothing you can do to change what is in the past.”  
                “But you hea-“

                “I know what he said,” Lancelot interrupted. “He is just angry at himself and what had happened, not at you. There is nothing you could have done.” With that, Merlin embraced Lancelot, crying into his chest.

                As the sobs were quieting, a thought occurred to the boy. “Should I ask for forgiveness? I should. Shouldn’t I?”

                Lancelot laughed. “That’s going to be kind of hard.”

                Merlin looked into the man’s eyes, fear and curiosity apparent in them. He wearily asked “What do you mean?”

                With a chuckle, the man said “Right after you ran away, Gwaine came out of nowhere and beat the shit out of Will, yelling at him until he finally ran away.”

                Merlin gapped. “That’s awful!”  
                “He deserved it. Nobody purposely makes my friend upset and gets to walk out of there.” He stared into Merlin’s eyes so he would understand the serious nature of the statement.

                Merlin cracked a smile for the first time. “Thanks, Lance.”

                “No problem.” He sighed. “Unfortunately, Gwaine losing his temper got him kicked out for a while, so I guess you will have to talk to him later.”

                Merlin chuckled. “Of course he did. I think he just wanted to talk though. Now that I think about it, the three of us haven’t really hung out in a while. When do you get off today?”

                “I’m closing,” he said with a frown. “Maybe tomorrow? That’s your day off, right?”

                “Yea! I’ll tell Gwaine, and we can text about the details.”

                “Alright, sounds good. Well, I’ve got to get back to work. Are you okay to work? I can cover for you if you like.”

                Merlin smiled at the love from his friend. “No, I’ll be fine. I’d rather keep busy. Thanks, though!” His confidence wiped all doubt from Lance’s mind.

                “Okay, well don’t overwork yourself,” he said as he was leaving the bathroom.

                Merlin stared into the mirror. _Come on, Emrys. You can overcome this. You heard Lance. It wasn’t your fault! Just act like nothing happened._ He took a deep breath and went back to his job, picking up a cup of water for the blonde customer.

                “There you go, sir,” his smile was the same, but there was an obvious puffiness around his eyes.

                “Thank you,” the customer said. He asked in a genuinely concerned manner “Are you alright?”

                Merlin was a bit thrown off that a stranger would care, but he answered “Oh yes, thank you. It kinda hurt but it is what it is. Is there anything else I can get for you?”

                The blonde looked at his menu again and said “Actually, can I have a cheeseburger with extra fries, please?”

                “Wow, an actual order! Did you finally get hungry,” he asked with a chuckle. “What happened to the person who was going to join you?”

                The blonde sighed. “My father canceled. Again.” His voice was laced with both annoyance and a hint of sadness.

                “Ah, I see. I understand. My friend was the guy who got kicked out. So I guess we’re both short a lunch date,” he said light-heartedly.

                “Oh yea, I saw that. You must have some very loyal friends.”

                “Haha, yea. There aren’t many of them, but the ones I have are worth at least a hundred. Each.” A smile was beaming as he said that.

                The customer gently laughed, too dazzled by his server to really pay attention to what the boy was saying. All he could really think was _How could one guy be so adorable?_ He then noticed that he was taking too long and if he didn’t speak up soon, the server would walk away. “Well, since we are both short a lunch date, do you wish to join me after your shift ends?” The very manner that this man was speaking would make anyone feel inclined to do as he said. Merlin simply nodded, unable to contrive a sound. The blonde laughed silently, and said “I’m Arthur, by the way.”

                As if Arthur’s voice wasn’t amazing enough, his smile completely won over Merlin. It took him a few seconds to remind himself to talk, and even when he did manage to, the words “Oh, yea” were barely audible. Finally, he composed himself enough to say. “My name is Merlin.” And then he realized that he already said that when the customer walked in, and kicked himself for that.  
                However, Arthur didn’t seem to notice. He simply answered “Well, Merlin, you better go back to work. The manager seems to be getting angry. I’ll talk to you again after you get off. And if you could hold the meal until then, that would be fantastic.” Arthur smiled, once again dazzling Merlin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will happen on the date? Stay tuned to find out more!
> 
> So I've already written quite a bit, so updates will be happening quite frequently for a while. And I promise, it will get darker later!


	3. First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been years! I kind of forgot about this but hey, I found it! And I'm a much better writing now (hopefully). Enjoy!

Throughout the remainder of Merlin’s shift, Arthur frequently watched the boy, smiling every time their eyes met. Whenever they did, Merlin’s face turned bright red. Luckily, he only had half an hour of work left.  
Once he was finished, Merlin quickly took off his apron, made sure the sweaty mess he called hair looked presentable, picked up the burger, and walked briskly towards Arthur, his excitement not allowing him to slow down.  
When the boy joined Arthur at the booth, the blonde asked “You didn’t get anything for yourself?” looking at the empty space in front of him.  
Merlin, too, looked at the empty space before explaining “Oh, well, I had to wait until I was officially off my shift before I could order food. So it is just now getting made.”  
“Ah, I see.” Arthur said while taking a sip of water.  
“I’m sorry again for that whole situation. The whole thing is quite embarrassing and I feel awful that my personal life has interrupted my work.”  
“Don’t even worry about it. Unfortunately, it happens to everyone at some point. I am just glad that you are okay now.” Arthur looked deep into Merlin’s eyes as he spoke, his smile genuine.  
Merlin scratched his head, a blush sweeping over his cheeks. “Thank you.”  
There was a momentary pause while Arthur decided if he should inquire more about the situation, until finally asking “May I ask what had happened?”  
Merlin paused, choosing his words carefully. “He is an ex boyfriend. The breakup was, well, it couldn’t have been messier.”  
“Why?”  
“I’d prefer to not say.” Merlin’s eyes dropped and Arthur could detect shame. He decided to drop it.  
At that moment, Merlin’s food was dropped off. He thanked his coworker with a polite smile and looked excitedly at his meal. “I’m starving!”  
“Well, there is only one way to fix that,” Arthur laughed.  
Merlin rolled his eyes, still smiling, and started digging in to his food. While Arthur had been eating cleanly and properly, as he has always made sure to in order to keep up his family’s image in public, Merlin had managed to get ketchup on his forehead, as well as all over his mouth. It wasn’t until a few minutes into eating like this that Merlin realized that he was, in fact, on a date, and shouldn’t have let his eating-like-a-gorilla side show just yet.  
“Sorry,” he nervously chuckled, finally picking up his napkin.  
Arthur found it utterly endearing, however. He grabbed his napkin and started wiping the places Merlin missed, laughing and shaking his head. “You sure are quite unlike anyone I have ever dated.”  
“Is that a good thing or….”  
“It means you’re not a posh prick,” Arthur joked, “so you’re already at a great start.”  
The date continued without a hitch. Arthur explained that he worked a boring desk job for his dad’s company. Merlin talked about how he’s had many miscellaneous jobs, including janitor, housekeeper, pool boy, construction worker, etc., but his true passion is in art. They had talked and laughed for a couple hours, until they realized they had overstayed their welcome. Arthur had tipped well, which Merlin made sure to take note of. Until finally they were at the awkward point of not knowing what to do next. Merlin checked his phone, realizing that he completely forgot about meeting up with Gwaine.  
Arthur had been listing things to do “... or if you want we could head over to the-”  
“I completely forgot I have a prior engagement. But here,” Merlin handed over his phone with Add a Contact already open.  
“You better text me then,” Arthur smiled, putting in his phone number and giving Merlin his phone back.  
“I’ll text you later! I promise.” His smile touched his eyes and melted Arthur’s heart. He pulled Merlin closer, caressed his cheek, and gave him a sweet, gentle kiss. It was absolute magic, as if they were supposed to do that long ago. Merlin never wanted to stop, but he realized where he was and got embarrassed, for he wasn’t big on PDA.  
Regardless, when they did stop, there was a slight blush on each of them, smiles on their lips that they couldn’t stop.  
“Well,” Merlin stumbled, still flustered, “Yea. Dang that was nice. But yea, I’ll text you. You can definitely count on that.”  
“I’ll be looking forward to it,” Arthur said with a wink, leaving Merlin happy, excited, and a little turned on.

**Author's Note:**

> I have been working on this fic for a LONG time! Just bare with me for a while. It will go places!  
> Oh and the chapters are short but the fic itself is long! It'll be a lot of fun!  
> Oh and it it is fairly dark! You have been warned


End file.
